Gentleman's Advice: the Only Relationship Advice a Man will Ever Need

I grew up as a confused child.  Not in my sexuality but the role of sexuality, affection, attraction, and appearance v. personality in relationships.  

I recall being caught by my biological father and mother multiple times masturbating as a child. The first time, I was 8 and my father said it was ok; nothing to be ashamed of.  But I was to do it when there was no one in the house and always be sure to clean up after myself.  Fair enough. The next time occurred six or so months later and my father did a complete religious 180° turn. I was beat and then given a talk about how, masturbation was a sin and I was going to hell for "making love" to myself.  This double standard advice continued throughout my childhood until I was eleven.  And, all coming from a man who maintained such a mishap of an adulterous marriage that hypocrisy is an understatement of the infidelity involved in my biological parents' relationship.  My father always considered hisself a fair and human minded man.  He often related that looks were not important and it was always about what was "inside."  He also relayed that "God" told him whom he was going to marry.  All this eventually failed to suffice as any virtuous developmental or relationship advice.  My father was a man who constantly cheated on my mother and then after finally divorcing her, remarried three months later to a hefty woman whom represented a mirrored gluttonous, tragedy that my father had become with a bipolar personality. After a year, he divorced her and then remarried a third time only several months later to another "healthy sized" woman with who knows what problems.  

During this time, I realized how full of shit my father's advice was considering his mangled view and taste in people.  After losing respect for my biological ancestry and loathing my existence as a product of two inherently twisted and unhealthy people; I continued to observe and take note from other people whom I saw representing a wholesome relationship and constantly interviewing to see how these people seemed so successful in finding each other and staying together.  I found that it has always been a touch of luck, a big factor of timing, and valuing the character if each other.  

This as nice as it was, was of little use to me as I was  trying to find someone like myself (but more nice) and needed advice detecting such a wholesome person.  So, I diverted unknowingly to a film that set me with a solid base that I now believe is a good measure to how a man may find his self a reasonable, down to Earth, considerate and caring person to spend time with.  The film is "A Bronx Tale". The relationship advice in this movie speaks such volumes that all maturing men should be required to observe these words of wisdom if we are not given the advice by our mentors.

The advice comes after the question of how do you find out if a "broad" is a good woman and the "One."  The answer is reflected through various crude solutions by the main character's childhood fiends.  The solutions come in the form of "tests."  After the character Sonny dismisses these ideas, he tells C, the main character, The Door Test. The following is the dialogue explaining the test and the value therein:

Sonny: Alright, listen to me. You pull up right where she lives, right? Before you get outta the car, you lock both doors. Then, get outta the car, you walk over to her. You bring her over to the car. Dig out the key, put it in the lock and open the door for her. Then you let her get in. Then you close the door. Then you walk around the back of the car and look through the rear window. If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in: dump her.

Calogero 'C' Anello: Just like that?

Sonny: Listen to me, kid. If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in, that means she's a selfish broad and all you're seeing is the tip of the iceberg. You dump her and you dump her fast.

This of course only advises the men directly but can be taken for both parties in a relationship.  (Take note to self evaluate before taking initiative to find an individual of such virtue)

This advice has helped me straighten out my own understanding of people and the relationship I hoped to have held.  Taking a notice of people's simplicity and their base actions helped me relate on who I wanted to be as a man and how to find that type of individual.  It's a good bit of advice for any person seeking assistance in the "love" department.  A great thanks to Chazz Palminteri. Thank you for many life lessons from The Bronx Tale. Many more to be featured.

-A Gent's Advice